Stuck, Lost, or Numb? Understand Your Void.
How is life going for you right now? Do you more often than not feel stuck, lost, or numb?
If you do, you're not alone. Many of us at one time or other experience the empty and frustrating feelings of not knowing who we are or where we are going in our journey.
I would like to call the mix of these emotions 'the void.'
We all have a place inside that feels empty.
For me, I have spent most of my life running from or ignoring my void. But it still shows up, often when my expectations aren't met, or when I am alone and without something to keep my mind busy.
It's this feeling of shame and inadequacy, that something is missing inside of me, but that it shouldn't be that way. I look at others, and they seem fine. At least, on the outside.
My Shame Emerged When I Was Four.
My earliest memory is vivid, and depressing. I was at a daycare that I went to during the week. I didn't like it. I always felt alone.
On one, hot summer day, I started having a bloody nose in the backyard. It was a gushing one, that wouldn't stop bleeding. Instead of asking for help, I kept wiping the blood on my hands, to hide it. I was ashamed and afraid to reveal to anyone my suffering.
This memory stands out, because I believe it speaks how I often feel when I encounter my void.
You see, my void is a place of deep pain that was never understood by others. As a result, I believed that the pain shouldn't be there, and I should not seek help for it.
It was been a long journey of healing for me, and for all I have worked through, I still at times feel the void. But now I understand it, and I can more readily overcome it in the moment.
Do you understand your void?
Why do you feel empty? What are the stories behind it?